Goldilocks and the Four Bears
by Bob the Admiral
Summary: This is a story I wrote one day when I was bored. I just thought it would be funny, which it turned out to be.


Goldilocks and the Four Bears  
By Bob the Admiral  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any character except the narrator. The rest belong to whoever wrote Gundam Wing.  
Rating: G  
  
Narrator: Once upon a time there was a little house in the woods. In that house there lived a Mama Bear...  
Trowa: Hi.  
Narrator: a Papa bear...  
Heero: *grunt*  
Narrator: And a baby bear...  
Wufei: WAAAAHHHHH!!!!  
Narrator: And also a little kid.  
Duo: Hello.  
Narrator: One day, Mama bear woke up and made some porridge.  
Trowa: *making porridge* A little bit of vinegar, some potatoes...  
Duo: EEEEWWWWW!!!!!  
Heero: *slaps Duo* Shut up.  
Duo: *sniff* WAAAHHH!!! Daddy hit me!  
Trowa: Oh, be quiet.  
Narrator: When they sat down to eat the porridge.  
Wufei: WWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  
Duo: OWWEEEEE!!!  
Heero: *grunt*  
Trowa: Oh, my.  
Narrator: It was too hot.  
Duo: Mama, this porridge is too hot!  
Narrator: So, they decided to go for a walk out in the woods until it cooled off.  
Trowa: Let's go for a walk in the woods until the porridge cools off.  
Heero: *grunt*  
Narrator: So they left the cottage and went for a walk in the woods.  
Duo: *skips happily out of house* La lala...  
Narrator: A little while later, a little girl with blond hair came by. Her name was Goldilocks.  
Quatre: *skips along, holding basket*  
Narrator: She saw the bear's cottage...  
Quatre: Oh, my! Look, a pretty little cottage. I wonder who lives here.  
Narrator: So, she went inside.  
Quatre: *opens door, and goes inside* Oh, look! Food!  
Narrator: She saw the four bowls of porridge, and tried the first one.  
Quatre: Oh, my. This porridge is too hot.  
Narrator: No! Goldilocks, say it with some ENTHUSIASM!!!  
Quatre: OUCH! This porridge is WAY too hot for ME!!! Is that good?  
Narrator: Yeah, that's better. So, that porridge was too hot, so she tried the next bowl.  
Quatre: Yikes! This porridge is too cold!  
Narrator: Then, Goldilocks tried the third bowl of porridge.  
Quatre: This stuff tastes like vinegar.  
Trowa: *pops head in* I added a lot of vinegar to it!  
Quatre: Oh, okay. Well, then... uh... It's... um... it gets stuck between my toes.  
Narrator: So, Quatre, I mean, Goldilocks tried the baby's bowl of porridge.  
Quatre: Yuck! This still tastes like vinegar.  
Narrator: *clears throat* And it was JUST RIGHT!  
Quatre: Oh, sorry. This stuff is just right.  
Narrator: So Goldilocks ate it all gone.  
Quatre: Yuck! Do I have to?  
Narrator: Yes, you have to!  
Quatre: *groan* Oh, man! *points* Hey look, it's Barney!  
Narrator: *turns* Huh? Where?  
Quatre: *dumps porridge in trash can* Never mind, he's gone now.  
Narrator: Darn.  
Quatre: Anyway, I ate the porridge.  
Narrator: Good. So, when the porridge was all gone, Goldilocks tried to sit in the chairs.  
Quatre: Where are the chairs?  
Narrator: *points* Down the hall. Last door on the left.  
Quatre: Thanks.  
Narrator: So Goldilocks sat in the Papa Bear's chair.  
Quatre: *sits in chair*  
Narrator: But it was too hard.  
Quatre: This chair hurts my tooshie! *gets off chair*  
Narrator: So Goldilocks sat in Mama's chair.  
Quatre: *sits down and nearly disappears under lots of fluff*  
Narrator: But it was too soft.  
Quatre: *muffled voice* You can say that again.  
Narrator: But it was too soft.  
Quatre: *gets out of chair* I didn't mean it literally.  
Narrator: Oh. Okay, so Goldilocks tried to sit in the little baby's chair.  
Quatre: *tries to sit in chair the size of a walnut*  
Narrator: But it broke.  
Quatre: Oh, boy! *takes out sledgehammer and breaks chair*  
Narrator: That was a bit much, but okay. So, then Goldilocks sat in Junior's chair.  
Quatre: *sits in medium-sized chair*  
Narrator: And it was just right.  
Quatre: Why am I sitting in all the chairs anyway?  
Narrator: Don't worry about it. Anyway, then Goldilocks got up...  
Quatre: But I'm comfortable here!  
Narrator: I don't care, get up!  
Quatre: Aaawwww.... *gets up*  
Narrator: And went to the bedroom....  
Quatre: Where's the bedroom?  
Narrator: *points* Out the door, turn left, second door on the right.  
Quatre: *goes out the door, turns right, walks into a wall* Ouch!  
Narrator: Turn around.  
Quatre: *gets up, turns around*  
Narrator: Walk forward six steps.  
Quatre: *goes forward six steps*  
Narrator: Go in the door on the right.  
Quatre: *goes in door on the right*  
Narrator: There you go.  
Quatre: *sees beds* Oh, okay.  
Narrator: So, Goldilocks lies down in the first bed.  
Quatre: You just changed the story from past-tense to present-tense.  
Narrator: Fine. Goldilocks LAY down in the bed.  
Quatre: Good enough. *lies down*  
Narrator: But it was too high.  
Quatre: If it was too high, how did I lie down in it?  
Narrator: Oh, be quiet.  
Quatre: Okay, fine, it's too high. Now how do I get down?  
Narrator: Goldilocks magically got down from the bed....  
Quatre: *disappears and reappears on the floor* Oh.  
Narrator: Then, he tried the Mama's bed.  
Quatre: *lies down in Mama's bed*  
Narrator: But it was too... too... um...  
Quatre: But it was too girly.  
Narrator: You ARE a girl.  
Quatre: Oh, yeah. Why do I have to play a girl?  
Narrator: Because you really wanted a role, and we couldn't find any other girls.  
Quatre: What about Relena?  
Narrator: She's on vacation. Now be quiet. We'll discuss this later.  
Quatre: Fine. *lies back down* This bed is too long.  
Narrator: Good enough. So, Goldilocks lay down in the baby's bed.  
Quatre: *lies down*  
Narrator: But it broke.  
Quatre: *stands up, pulls out sledgehammer, breaks bed into tiny pieces*  
Narrator: Fine. Then Goldilocks tried Junior's bed.  
Quatre: *lies down* This bed is too...  
Narrator: No, that bed is just right.  
Quatre: Oh. This bed is just right.  
Narrator: Good. So, then, Goldilocks fell asleep.  
Quatre: *snores very loudly*  
Narrator: Without snoring.  
Quatre: *silence*  
Narrator: Whatever. Then, the three- I mean, four bears came home.  
Trowa, Heero, Duo, Wufei: *walk in*  
Trowa: Eek. Someone's been eating my porridge.  
Narrator: No, say it with feeling!  
Trowa: Who's been eating my porridge?  
Narrator: *grumble, grumble* Good enough. Papa bear, show him how to say it right.  
Heero: *grunt*  
Narrator: NO!  
Duo: *screams and runs in circles* SOMEONE ATE MY FOOD!!!  
Narrator: That's a bit too much enthusiasm.  
Wufei: *cries* Hungwy!  
Narrator: Actually, that's pretty good.  
Wufei: *keeps crying*  
Narrator: Um, that's good.  
Wufei: *still crying*  
Narrator: WILL SOMEBODY SHUT THAT BABY UP???  
Heero: *slaps Wufei* Shut up.  
Narrator: Thank you. Then the bears go to sit down.  
Trowa: Oh, my. Someone sat in my chair.  
Heero: *grunt*  
Duo: *screams and runs in circles*  
Wufei: *cries*  
Narrator: Oh, shut up. Then the bears go to lie down.  
Trowa: Someone lay down in my bed.  
Heero: *grunt*  
Wufei: *cries*  
Duo: Hi, Quatre.  
Narrator: NO! That's GOLDILOCKS!!!  
Duo: Oh, yeah.  
Quatre: Hi, Trowa.  
Narrator: *mutters* Then, Goldilocks screamed and ran away. The end.  
Quatre: Good. Now tell me why I had to be the prissy girl who couldn't do anything but eat porridge, complain, sit in chairs, and sleep.  
Wufei: and why do I have to be a baby? Babies are weak! That's injustice!  
Heero: We're not bears, and how could we tell that people had been sitting in our chairs? I mean, except for Wufei's, there wasn't a mark.  
Trowa: And why do I have to be the Mommy?  
Duo: Well, I enjoyed screaming and running in circles, but it doesn't make any sense. Why do I have to be a little kid. And anyway, in the fairy tale, there's only THREE bears, plus I didn't get to eat my food!  
Narrator: Uh, oh.... *backs away*  
Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei: Get him! *attack narrator*  
Duo: And, except for the narrator, we all live happily ever after.  
Trowa: The End.  



End file.
